Reed's Orphanage

Reed and Grace are continuing to blossom and we are so thrilled!  Little Reed can eat more dumplings than me and we've got him smiling and playing.  It is adorable!  He is a sharp little guy and tries to imitate much of what we do - he's definitely taking it all in.  Both he and Grace can cry out quite a bit during the night, but Travis and I have been taking turns sleeping on the floor next to them (once they start crying out) and it seems to help.

Don't mind the baby crib
converted to clothes drying rack ;-)

Little Gracie has come alive!   She is warming up to Travis (some :-) - she did take him the can of formula yesterday for Reed's bottle, which is about the closest she's gotten since our first day.  She is still with Mama pretty much 24/7, but will play in the room where she is comfortable and does really well holding my hand to walk somewhere every time I ask her to.  When I try and show her the little photo album of our family, she shakes her head no and closes it up.  This girl has some spunk!  In her update we received on the day before meeting her, it said that "She cries if her request cannot be satisfied.  We try and talk with her when she is angry, but sometimes it doesn't work, and then we give her snacks instead to comfort her."   Food is most definitely her security.  She wants to hold any food item she can in each hand at all times.  When I work with her, it seems so simple - we love her and are taking care of her - she just needs to trust us.  As I was processing this, I couldn't help but realize how similar we are.  Instead of turning to God and trusting him, my inclination is to reach for food too.   I told her today that as she is learning to trust me, and find security with us, I am going to commit to trusting God more in this area as well.  We are going to learn together.  

His pajama pants won't stay on - he takes one step
and they fall right down!

As thankful as I am for how well they are both doing, yesterday was also a bit sad for me.  Daddy stayed back with all of the boys, and my traveling companion Grace accompanied me to Reed's finding place and orphanage.  

We stopped at his finding place first and my stomach turned a bit.  While driving there, I couldn't help but think of how heartbroken and grieved his birth mom must have been to leave him.  How could one ever recover?  He was most likely left because of his special needs, and his mother's inability to pay for the lifesaving surgeries he would need.  He was left at the entrance of a bustling trade center in the middle of the City; a risky venture as his Mama could have been arrested.  Abandoning children is illegal in China.  And yet, I know she must have loved him and wanted him to be found quickly.

As I took some pictures, my sweet guide wanted to take some with me in them.  I tired to say no thank you, but she insisted.  It felt awkward, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.  Was I supposed to smile at a place that held such tragedy and heartbreak for my little boy and his birth parents?

Reed's Orphanage - Zhengzhou Social Welfare Institute.
 800 kids live here.

From there we went on to his orphanage.  With Grace strapped onto me, we were taken to the Show Hope room that he lived in for 1 month after leaving Maria's Big House of Hope.  Once again, the nannies, the nurse, and even the housekeeper were so excited to meet me and to hear that he had been adopted.  They wanted to see pictures of him and I was so glad to have one of him smiling on my camera to share.  "He's so skinny!" they exclaimed in their excitement.  "He used to be a chubby little boy!"  (I imagine he was 11 months ago at this size.)  I assured them that we working on fattening him up and that he'd be chubby again in no time.  They liked that.  ;-)

His Nanny in the Show Hope
Peter Pan Room, where he lived.

From there we began to walk to the apartment building where the "Foster Families" live on orphanage grounds.  I heard a wailing through the windows and saw two 8 year old boys - one kind of hunched over, clearly with disabilities and making the wailing noises.  The second boy smiled at us and led the first little guy along to help him in the bathroom.  My tears welled up a bit, I knew the chances of either boy being adopted at that age were nearly impossible.  Rarely does anyone want to take an older child.  I had tried to prepare myself for this type of thing - I knew it would be a hard visit.  I took a deep breath and we proceeded on.

These little guys were all strapped in a wheelchair to go for a walk.  When I squatted down and told them hi, the one on the left just lit up!  See picture below ;-)

When we got to Reed's apartment, the foster dad was there making lunch. The wife had gone to get his 5 foster brothers from "school" - a nearby preschool classroom on orphanage grounds.  The dad was cordial, and I learned that Reed had been with them 11 months.  He also shared some things that I struggled to believe were true.  I did not have a great feeling.  This was not the "hard" I had prepared myself for, nor what I had hoped for my precious little boy.  As my stomach turned again, it was all I could do to not dash out. There was another severly disabled young boy on a training potty stuck back in a bedroom. When I inquired why he was not at school, they replied that he was too "sick" to attend school.  

As we turned to leave, I thanked the foster dad and with tears rolling down my face I told him that we love Reed VERY much in FIRM and protective way.  I think I was gracious, but I'm also pretty sure my tone communicated HE IS MINE and stay away.

Reed's Foster Mom and four of his foster brothers.  (The little girl in pink did not live with them.) His special little friend Jian is smack in the middle next to the girl. I'm sure he misses Reed.

In the hall we were able to meet some other children as well as his foster mom and brothers.  I got to meet his special little friend - Jian - but he was too shy to come to me.  The Foster Mom did not want to take my gift, but I told her there was candy for the children, so she reluctantly agreed.

I was ready to march out the door with this little guy.  He was one of Reed's foster brothers and tiny like him!  He was taken from the black market by the police.

By the time we left I was silently weeping.  Partially for the children left behind, partially for Reed, but most of all for the fact that I came so dangerously close to missing this opportunity.  He's only been with us 5 days and already I can't imagine our lives without him.  It grieves me to think that I was initially resistant to bringing home this absolutely precious little boy.  As we left, I prayed "Thank you God, for rescuing Reed and for allowing me to be his Mama.  I don't know what all he has been through, but you do, and you are his loving Father.  Thank you that your grace is bigger than his past."